In June 2018, The Redwood Falls Gazette published an obituary for Kathleen Dehmlow that began in a traditional way but soon took an unexpected turn. Written by her children, Gina and Jay, the tribute openly shared family tensions instead of simply highlighting her life story. While many obituaries focus on accomplishments, loved ones, and fond memories, this one included candid details about strained relationships, personal regrets, and unresolved conflicts. The unusual tone quickly drew attention, spreading widely across social media and national news outlets.
Readers were surprised by the honesty of the piece. Some praised the children for confronting difficult truths and offering a nuanced portrait, while others felt it crossed a line, arguing that obituaries should honor the deceased rather than air family grievances. Comments on social media ranged from sympathy for the family’s transparency to criticism over what many considered a private matter exposed to the public.
The obituary was later taken down from the newspaper’s website after readers expressed concern, but by then, the story had already gone viral. Screenshots circulated widely, and national media picked up the narrative, highlighting the unusual approach and sparking debates about obituary etiquette. Journalists questioned whether such frankness was a new trend in obituaries or an exception born from personal frustration.
A relative, Dwight Dehmlow, explained that while the account contained elements of truth, Kathleen had faced difficulties in her past and had expressed regret in later years. He emphasized that the obituary did not fully represent her life or the complexity of her experiences. “She had her struggles, yes, but she also had moments of joy and kindness that aren’t captured here,” he said, highlighting the challenge of condensing a person’s life into a few paragraphs.
Although controversial, the newspaper stated that the obituary had followed its submission guidelines and noted there were no legal issues in publishing it. The editors added that their role was to honor the requests of the submitting family, even when content diverged from traditional expectations. However, its syndication partner later announced plans to review policies around obituary submissions to prevent future disputes, signaling a broader awareness of potential sensitivity.
Media experts observed that while obituaries have historically been respectful tributes, this case revealed how they can also become outlets for unresolved emotions. Unlike memorial services, which offer real-time reactions and reconciliation, obituaries reach a wide audience instantly, blending public storytelling with deeply personal reflections. Scholars suggested that this trend reflects a cultural shift — people increasingly see obituaries as a space to express complexity, not just celebrate milestones.
The incident also highlighted the tension between memory and forgiveness. Gina and Jay’s decision to include difficult truths prompted questions about how families choose to remember loved ones. Should obituaries reflect only the happy moments, or is there value in acknowledging struggles as well? Readers and commentators debated whether the public nature of the medium made honesty more courageous or more inappropriate.
In response to the controversy, some families shared similar experiences online, revealing how common it is for obituaries to contain personal opinions, subtle critiques, or candid storytelling. Others argued that transparency could help future generations understand family dynamics, mistakes, and reconciliation, giving obituaries a new purpose beyond traditional memorialization.
The Kathleen Dehmlow obituary ultimately became more than just a family matter — it sparked a national conversation about memory, forgiveness, and the balance between private stories and public remembrance. News outlets revisited the topic months later, citing it as an example of how the role of obituaries is evolving in the digital age, where content spreads rapidly and public opinion shapes perception.
For the Dehmlow family, the experience was bittersweet. While it brought public scrutiny, it also offered a chance to reflect on how to honor a complex life honestly. Some members felt relief in voicing their truth, while others hoped that future tributes would focus on the positive aspects of Kathleen’s legacy. The incident underscored that remembering someone is rarely simple — it is an intricate blend of love, memory, regret, and interpretation.
In the years since, the case has been referenced in journalism and communications courses as a teaching moment about ethics, family dynamics, and the power of narrative. It serves as a reminder that obituaries are not just historical records; they are storytelling tools that can carry both celebration and critique, shaping how a life is remembered for generations to come.